UNDERSTANDING GRIEF

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• Grief, with its many ups and downs, lasts far longer than most people realize. Be patient with yourself.
• Each person's grief is individual. You and your family member will experience it differently.
• Crying is an acceptable and healthy expression of grief. It releases built-up tension for the bereaved person. Cry freely as you feel the need.
• Physical reactions to the death of a loved one may include loss of appetite or overeating, sleeplessness, and sexual difficulties. The bereaved may find that he/she has very little energy and cannot concentrate. A balanced diet, rest, and moderate exercise are especially important now.
• Avoid the use of drugs or alcohol. Medication should be taken sparingly and only under the supervision of your physician. Many substances are addictive and can lead to a chemical dependence. In addition, they may stop or delay the necessary grieving process.
• Friends and relatives may be uncomfortable around you. They want to ease your pain, but do not know how. Help them learn how to support you. Talk about your loved one so they know this is appropriate.
• Whenever possible, put off major decisions (i.e., changing residence or job) for at least a year.
• Avoid making hasty decisions about your loved one's belongings. Do not allow others to take over or to rush you. You can do it little by little, whenever you feel ready.
• The bereaved may feel he/she has nothing to live for and may desire a release from the intense pain. Although many bereaved people feel this way, a sense of purpose and meaning will return. Pain does lessen.
• Guilt, real or imagined, is a normal part of grief - it surfaces in thoughts and feelings of "if only." In order to resolve this guilt, learn to express and share these feelings, and learn to forgive yourself.
• Anger is another common reaction to loss. Anger, like guilt, needs expression and sharing in a healthy and acceptable manner.
• Children are often the forgotten grievers within the family. They are experiencing many of the same emotions you are, so share thoughts and tears with them. Though it is painful, make sure they feel loved and included.
• Holidays and anniversaries of your loved one's birth and death can be stressful. Consider the feelings of the entire family in planning how to spend these days. Allow time and space for your own emotional needs.
• A loved one's death often causes the bereaved to examine his/her faith or philosophy of life. Don't be disturbed if you are questioning old beliefs. Talk about it. For many, faith helps one accept the unacceptable.
• It helps to become involved with a group of persons having similar experiences; sharing eases loneliness and promotes the expression of your grief in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding.

THE BEREAVED AND THEIR FAMILIES CAN FIND HEAUNG AND HOPE FOR THE FUTURE AS THEY REORGANIZE THEIR LIVES IN A POSITIVE WAY.

Copyright 1980 The Compassionate Friends, Inc.

P.O. Box 1347 Oak Brook, IL 60521 ALIVE HOSPICE/E2a